And the hits keep comin'!

So because I apparently like to set myself up for failure, I come to you with my final five resolutions for 2015.  A sane, rationale person would probably limit themselves to one, perhaps two.  Me?  Oh, no.  There have pots on all four burners, two cookie sheets in the oven, and pizzas on the grill or mama ain't happy!

I gave thought to whittling down the list, but each item seems crucial to my survival.  Okay, that may be a bit dramatic.  But they all feel like things I want to give attention to and I don't want to let go of.  So without further ado, I give to you resolutions six through ten.

6.  Be present.  If all of the sudden there were resolution police and they showed up at my door because I was exceeding federal resolution limits, this would be the one I would keep.  It applies to SO many areas in my life.  While multitasking has become fashionable and almost required, I sometimes hate the fact that I'm good at it.  Sure, it's great to be listening to a podcast, peeling potatoes, and coaching the kids on homework, all while I think about my to-do list for tomorrow, but there comes a point when you need to put the brakes on the crazy train.  Focusing more, appreciating more, savoring more...these are the only "things" I want more of.

One of my next blog posts is on this topic alone, actually.  I've registered for an online class called "One Little Word" again this year.  The word I chose this year is "Savor."  When I did the class last year, I found that thinking about and incorporating whatever word you choose is inspirational and motivational on so many levels.  In speaking with friends, there are so many of us that just feel like days are a blur and weeks are spent running on the hamster wheel.  We are craving simple.

7.  Read more.  I recently read that 29 percent of Americans admit to not reading a novel in the past year.  Seriously?  I call BS on that number.  I reckon it's far higher.  And while most people, I believe, know the value of reading and truly want to read more, my experience is that it's one of the first things to go when kids need to be bathed and socks need to be matched (or in my case,  60 percent of socks need to be matched and the other 40 percent are singles that I'll put in a basket for three months before I throw them away.)  I guess I should be ashamed to admit that I didn't read anything other than children's books, recipes, and permission slips for years.  If I tried, I would read three paragraphs and forget what I read because I was feeling guilty about what I should be doing instead.

To tackle this resolution, I've joined an online book club called "Recovering Readers."  (Hey, are you noticing a pattern here, by the way?  Maybe I should have 11 resolutions, with the addition being resolve to stop joining clubs.)  Anyhoo, I've completed January's book which I loved.  It was such a treat to be immersed in a story that didn't involve Captain Underpants or a Wimpy Kid.  I'm resolving to read more with my kids, too, but it sure was nice to climb into bed at night, slip my cold feet up against my man, and delve into a good book.

8.  Document the every day.  With cell phones and Facebook, we are all documenting a lot more about our lives than past generations.  Sure, some of it (most of it?) could be considered mundane or frivolous, but I am always intrigued by how things you think are so common and will always be around will instead be unique and treasured in years to come.  Shag carpeting?  The mullet?  Monogram sweaters?  And who doesn't love opening an old box with items wrapped in newspaper to find out how much ground beef used to cost and what people found news-worthy?

My goal for 2015 is to document more of our stories.  When I look back at scrapbooks I've completed, I positively would have forgotten so much of what I've written about.  And not only do I want these stories for myself, but for my children and their children.

9.  Delegate chores.   I admit it, I suck at delegating.  S-U-C-K, suck.  Since I will probably never be good at it, my goal is to suck less.  Like if I'm a 9 on the sucky scale right now, I'm aiming to finish out 2015 as a 7.  It's not that I think I'm great at doing everything, it's that I think it's easier if I do everything.  The intellectual side of me (okay, maybe it's not a full SIDE of me.  It's probably more like a section.  Or a piece, like a 1 x 2 inch piece) knows that I am not doing the kids any favors by not assigning chores and responsibilities.

But then there's that, "Oh, geez!  It's 8:30 p.m. and tomorrow is trash day.  And I still have to empty the bathroom trash cans, which are upstairs, and everyone is downstairs.  And plus they have their shoes off and I still have my shoes on.  Also it's dark out and I have pretty good night vision.  Really, by the time they find their shoes, I could have just done it already.  So seriously, it really is stupid to make anyone else take out the trash."   I do this with every chore (see #3, Over-Analyzing.)

On New Year's Day, I broke it to the kids that there's a new sheriff in town and things are going to change.  We came up with some jobs (and outrageous fees that they suggested to be paid with said jobs, which I quickly vetoed.)  There will probably be a little bit of a learning curve, but I'm thinking this joint should be running like a well-oiled machine by early next week.  Or July.

10.  Do my part to keep the U.S. Postal Service afloat.  Surely I'm not the only one who thinks getting the mail is a colossal disappointment most of the time.  I've been so fortunate to have a new pen pal in South Africa and a cousin in Austria that I exchange cards, letters, and packages with and it brings such joy.  I have concocted a plan, which shall remain secret, of how to do my part to bring happiness to mailboxes far and wide.  I'm excited.

So that's it.  Or at least that's it FOR NOW.  In fact, I just realized two other things I want to add.  Similar to the justice system, maybe I'll have ten "jurors" and two alternates.  Like if I crash and burn on the losing weight, I'll call in some second-string resolution like, "Take Deep Breaths" to experience wild success!   It's so crazy it just might work!

Go Big or Go Home

Resolutions aren't something that ever appealed to me.  In fact, I've never really found that New Year's Day feels any different than any other day of the year.  I suppose that's a good thing in some ways, because I've always felt that every single day is a new beginning, a chance to get it right...or, in the case of some days, get it LESS wrong.  I think that may be why I've always viewed New Year's resolutions as a silly, self-defeating tradition...that is until this year.

Why is this year different?  I have no idea.  It's not like I suddenly have things to improve on this year that weren't in existence any other year, that's for darn sure.  And I've been receiving Oprah magazine for nearly three years, so it isn't that I've suddenly become more enlightened either.  I did enroll on that online Deepak Chopra meditation class, but I never ACTUALLY meditated.  I mean, I read all the emails -- or I read the subject line of the emails.   Some of the emails.  So yeah, I don't think that really qualifies as a game-changer.

Nonetheless, I found myself making a whole lot of resolutions on January 1st this year.  I hadn't been thinking about a single one before that.  But that day?  Holy smokes, I was on FIRE with the resolutions.  In a timely stroke of cosmic endorsement, I heard a story on NPR about how to increase your chances of success when making resolutions.  The expert stressed the fact that putting them in writing, especially in a public way, can greatly enhance your sense of accountability.  I get that.  And because one of my resolutions was to actually write more in 2015, it was a no-brainer that I'd incorporate my wishes for 2015 as a blog post.

So here we go with my resolutions.  And just like the pile of papers on the right-hand side of my countertop, they are in no particular order:

1.  Drop the Dial for awhile.  Wanna invoke a look of horror on the face of one of those mall kiosk workers?  You know, the ones who stop you to demonstrate their fountain of youth face cream?  Tell them the only thing you use on your face is Dial soap.  Better yet, tell the ladies at the Clinique counter.  Just be sure you have a paper bag for them to breathe into when you do.  I know this because that is all I wash my face with.  I'm not bragging, believe me.  When I was waiting in line at TJMaxx a few weeks ago and made the mistake of looking at my right eye in one of those 15X magnification mirrors they have in the impulse buy section, I realized how desperate the situation actually is.  For a nanosecond, I thought for sure I had dove head-first into a rack of crumpled up tan tissue paper.

So for 12 days now, I've been washing my face with soap that purports to contain olive oil to soften my skin.  I sunk like $4.99 into this bar of hope so I'm expecting quick and dramatic results.  And because I feel like I'm so behind the curve, I'm going all out and expanding my beauty regime to TWO STEPS by slathering on a moisturizer, too.  I know it's extreme, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  Plus I promised Frank that within three weeks, he's going to wake up to a wife that looks like a typical college freshman...not the college freshman he's been married to for the past three months.

2.  Lose weight.  I know, I know.  Predictable and BOR-ING.  But seriously, it needs to be done.   I've gained 12 pounds since we got married.  And we got married in May.  Of 2014.   That's ridiculous.  By my calculations, if I keep gaining weight at this rate, I'll weigh 627 pounds by our 10th wedding anniversary.  While that might land me a nice paycheck from one season of "My 600-Pound Life" on TLC, I think I'll pass.  I already know where I've gotten lazy diet-wise and certainly getting to the gym more frequently will speed things along.  I thought about easing up on the chocolate martinis, but instead decided that I'll allow myself to use them as a meal replacement.  Hey, Slim Fast built a lucrative EMPIRE on that concept so obviously it works.  And unlike the chocolate martini, Slim Fast doesn't have the beneficial side effect of not caring that you're hungry.  Bonus!

And not that I'm trying to blame my shriveled up ovaries, but it sure is different trying to lose weight at 47 compared to 27.  Back then, I'd eat one less Pop-Tart and substitute one green apple for a bag of green apple Jolly Ranchers and call it a day.  These days, it's a little more complicated.

3.  Stop it with the over-analyzing.  (I think this may be Frank's favorite.  Or at least the one he will profess to be his favorite, because he fears that if he says 1 or 2 are his favorites, he won't be around to see the MIND-BLOWING moisturizing results.)   As much as we have technology assisting us in 2015, I swear it's made us all more crazy.   I feel like nothing is simple any more.  Remember when we were younger and our parents planned a family vacation?  They looked at the budget, decided a destination, called a hotel or two, and checked that task off of their to-do list.  Now?  You (and by you, I mean me) have to go online -- which we all know is the hugest time suck in the history of time sucks.  You start reading TripAdvisor, which then links you over to Hotels.com, where you price hotels, only to realize that your best bet is to go on Priceline and bid for a hotel.  But only a FOOL bids for a hotel without first checking biddingfortravel.com to see what other people bid.  While you're in that forum, you realize (again, by you, I mean me) that you don't even really like hotels.  You want culture!  You want experience!  You want to meet new people and build relationships that will no doubt lead to world peace!  You totally need to go to AirBnB.com and find a house to rent.   Oh, stop.  Wait. Just. A. Minute.  AirBnB has an Instagram?  I am all about Instagram.  Let me quick follow them.   OMG, look!  A recipe for peanut butter chocolate truffles.  I have to "like" it.

As you can tell, this whole process completely takes on a life of its own and spirals into weeks on the computer until suddenly you have 37 tabs open on your desktop, have started following 6 new travelers on Pinterest, and bought 3 Groupons for a city you weren't even going to three days ago.

Unfortunately, I can't blame this behavior solely on technology because I often find I have a similar number of "tabs" open in my brain at any given time.  Say I'm in Target and I see a pair of winter boots I like and they're on sale.  It should be a no-brainer!  I mean, I do need boots.  I've been wearing Rowan's when I go out to shovel the snow and he's a 10-year-old boy.  Okay, I should just get them.

That's when what could probably be considered traits of mental illness begin.  What if they mark them down again in two days?  I shouldn't be such a greedy, ugly American!  You know that woman from Kenya who won the Boston Marathon a few years ago?  She ran like 30-some miles, BAREFOOT.  You do NOT need boots to have a good life.  You have some nerve even "liking" the Becoming Minimalist guy on Facebook when you're standing here looking at boots!  And what if your furnace and your transmission and your kidneys all give out next week and you went and spent $19.99 on a pair of boots?  It would serve you right if that happened for being so frivolous.  Not to mention that the tag says they're made in Indonesia!  We all know what that means.  Some poor 7-year-old child was being hit with a stick while he sewed these boots.  I should be ashamed of myself.  I only came here for milk and copy paper anyway.  I'm nothing but a big, fat, selfish jerk.

4.  Ease up on the Coke Zero.   Kind of self-explanatory.  I've never tried Crack cocaine, but I have tried Coke Zero.  I'm pretty sure in a few years, the Today show is going to be doing an investigative report that reveals that Coke Zero is Crack in liquid form.

5.  Write more.  I have mad respect for all the serious bloggers out there who come up with fresh, new posts every single day.  That is no small feat.  And it's not just coming up with material, it's sitting down and taking the time each day to drain your brain onto the screen and make it entertaining, or at least readable.  I can't tell you (no really, I can't tell you - because I honestly don't know) how many pieces of paper I have on my desk with blog topics written down.   My goal is to try to post something once a week, which seems doable and the rewards, I think, will be great.  I truly enjoy writing and love when I hear from my friends and family that I've given them a reason to laugh with me...or at me.  I'm not picky, I'll take either.

My original intention was to post my top ten resolutions, but since this is quickly approaching a blog version of "War and Peace," I'll leave you hanging as to 6 through 10 until next week.  What about you?  Are you a resolution person?  Did you make any you'd like to share?  Surely one of you plans to outdo that mom of three who blogged last year about having sex with her husband every single day for a year.  Don't be shy.  Anyone, anyone?

Yeehaw!

Happy 2015!  Hard to believe I started this blog over five years ago.  Harder to believe I still remember the password, considering how few entries I've written during that time.  

I heard an "expert" on public radio a few days ago talking about resolutions and what you can do to make those desires a reality.  One of the tips she mentioned was documenting, in a public way if you wish, what you would like to work on in the coming year.  Because one of my resolutions is to write more, I thought I'd jump-start the ol' blog and see how it goes.  

But before I reveal my resolution manifesto, I thought I'd share my Christmas letter for this year...or for any year, for that matter.  Here we go!  

Greetings!

Ah, the Christmas letter.  Like fruitcake, it often gets a bad rap, which is why I’ve always shied away from sending one.  This year, however, I’m throwing caution to the wind, fully realizing that my Facebook friend count will likely take a nosedive approximately three to five days after these babies leave the post office. 

I believe the intent of a Christmas letter is to update everyone on the major events of the year as it comes to a close (or at least the ones you want people to know about.)  For some, it is also an opportunity to let everyone know that your family is made up of some incredibly amazing, wildly successful, picture-perfect people.  I hate to blow the ending to this letter only two paragraphs in, but we aren’t those people.  Shocker, I know.

As most of you know, we blended our families in May of this year.  Under sunny skies and with baggy eyes, we catered and created our own backyard wedding.  Would we do it again? Of course. Would we do all the cooking for 110 people ourselves?  Probably.  Would we remember to label things correctly instead of finding out that we really hadn’t run out chicken, but had 20 more pounds that were labeled as green beans?  I would hope so. 

Joining families with many kids means a lot of jokes from well-meaning folks who think that they are the first person on the planet to compare you to The Brady Bunch.  While it was my very favorite show growing up, I like to point out to said jokesters that we have out-produced Mike and Carol Brady by a whole two kids.  And let’s not forget that Mike Brady brought Alice the housekeeper to the union.  That’s pretty impressive! On the other hand, Frank doesn’t wear white leather belts, have his hair permed, or wish he could call me Steve instead of Steph, so there’s that. 

The other comment we hear happens to also be TV sitcom-related.  It goes a little something like this:

Unnamed Person:  So, how many kids do you folks have?

Us:  Eight.

Unnamed Person: Oh, my!  Well, is eight REALLY enough or –-

Before anyone gets any ideas, YES.  Eight IS enough.  If by some strange (and not funny) twist of fate we would have an announcement to make, it would either be made by The Guinness Book of World Records or by Anderson Cooper on CNN, as he is stationed under the Golden Gate Bridge while negotiators beg Frank and I not to jump.

   

Summer brought us the opportunity to spend ten days in Europe.  It truly was a terrific experience for us with the five youngest kids.  We traveled 1700 miles through Germany and Austria, renting private homes and enjoying the breathtaking alpine landscape.  We also got to spend a few days visiting my family in southern Austria, which is always so special.  Frank and I have such a love of travel, which we hope to pass on to all of our children.   Not only is it exciting to see new places and meet new people, we hope it gives them an appreciation for all the things we take for granted. 

All seven of us, crammed in our smaller-than-an-American-minivan began in Frankfurt and made our way through Nuremberg, Tirol, Salzburg, and Munich.  Like many families on road trips, we played games to pass the time – and not just the usual license plate game or I Spy. Because our van had a manual transmission, our game was called “Don’t stall, don’t stall, don’t stall!”  Whenever I was stopped on a hill, weaving through small cobbled streets, or paying a toll, we’d chant that vacation mantra and hope not to feel the resulting whiplash that comes with letting up on the clutch a little too fast.  Hermit crabs die and t-shirts fade, but vacation memories like that?  They last FOREVER.

The kids were incredibly good throughout the entire trip.  They really, really were.  I can’t emphasize that enough. Despite the fact that European restaurants don’t give free refills on sodas and some areas had spotty WiFi, they struggled through with courage and dignity.  And then there was that little incident where I dashed in a store for drinks and came out with three two-liter bottles of vinegar instead of apple juice.  Even at the end, when our eight-hour flight home turned into three flights and an unplanned overnight stay in Minneapolis because we were rerouted, only to have our next flight cancelled, they were wonderful. 

So 2014 was a pretty awesome year.  There were those couple of speed camera tickets but, barring any unforeseen circumstances over the next two weeks, we managed to make it through 365 days without a single member of our ten-person family landing in jail or, even worse, pictured in a “People of Walmart” photo-montage.  That, my friends, is what I call success.

Our wish to you is that 2015 brings all the things that really matter:  good health, making new memories with family and friends, lots of delicious food, and a little bit of time each day to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and feel grateful.