I've never been athletic...so I guess I'm an athletic supporter.

 

As far back as I can remember, I've NEVER been athletic. I mean, I took tennis lessons when I was younger, played kickball in the street, but when it came to REAL sports, it just wasn't for me. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm really not competitive and am definitely not aggressive. I remember going into gym class at Riverside Elementary and breaking out into a cold sweat when I saw the dreaded rope hanging from the ceiling that we were expected to climb. And of course I always ended up in line behind the person who was part monkey and would make it nearly to the ceiling. Figures. I get up there, place my hands on the rope as high as they would go, pull with all my might, and would move about 3.2 inches. And just when I was getting my rope climbing groove on, I'd hear the gym teacher yell, "NEXT!".

Fast forward to middle school, where my gym experiences caused further nausea and vomiting. Our gym teachers would design units that were approximately four weeks and you could pick between three different choices of what you'd like to do. We'd all line up against the wall, wearing those dreadful polyester blue shorts that gave you a permanent wedgie, and wait to hear our name called. You'd have to tell them your first and second choice out loud. Some of the kids had a hard time picking between the three because they LOVED all the choices. Yeah, whatever. Just give me some line dancing. Is that too much to ask? I've got braces and a zit on my forehead and now you're going to make me run up and down a field with a Velcro belt around my waist to play flag football? I don't think so.

Our middle school was even "blessed" to have an indoor swimming pool! Woohoo! I will say that I did fine in swimming and actually preferred it to other sports they offered, but the after effects of having swimming at 10 a.m. were not attractive. You spent all this time primping in the morning, only to dive into a pool and spend the rest of the day with your hair stuck to your head. Not to mention those humid, moldy locker rooms. You'd have to peel off your bathing suit, dry off, put your bra on, and try not to drop your drawers into the inch of water pooled on the floor. I think that portion of the class taught me more coordination and balance than any other instruction they gave.

I guess the closest I got to athleticism was my cheerleading stint in high school. I know some people consider cheerleading a sport, but let's be honest, most people think it's not. Including me. At least not back in the day when I cheered. Yeah, we practiced. Yeah, we went to cheerleading camp in the 100 degree heat. Yeah, we withstood freezing temperatures wearing nothing from the waist down but bloomers and a mini-skirt, but I just don't see it as being the same as a "sport". It was too fun to be a sport. Decorating the boys' lockers for a home game, painting signs for pep rallies, getting yelled at on the bus by the football players because we were talking and they were trying to "concentrate". I call that a good time.

So on this play-off day for the Ravens, I'll probably watch a few minutes, but mostly I'll be doing what I do best. Supporting my team from the kitchen. I've made a huge pot of chicken fettuccine Alfredo and some purple cupcakes. And you never know, perhaps one day I'll learn more about penetration in the end zone....or maybe I'll learn about football.